victim 2

Exhausted Me

Oh, I am too tired, I could use a bed, right here, right now, right this minute. Oh, let me sleep, pleassssssse. You have no idea how tired I am. Too tired to do anything, no drinks, my throat doesn't have any energy to swallow anything, no food, my teeth are too exhausted to chew anything. You ask me why I am so tired ? I ........ I ya........ uh..... mmm........... it's ..... it's.......... Look, I felt I had to finish some things today, so I tried my best to do them, maybe I tried too much. I could have gone to bed like 10 hours ago. If that was the case, I would be smiling right now. OK ? no more questions, somebody get me a bed !

平衡不良 1

Chanel Lady chowing down chinese Beef Noodles

Q: What's your agenda ?

A: Agenda ? My agenda everyday is to eat a good lunch. That's all. It's MY TIME. The only time I feel completely alone and I feel relaxed, except I keep on thinking why does a good lunch noodle costs so much ? I need to save up for another Chanel suit, it's costy.

Oh! These Look idiots, tasteless people eating the same beef noodles as I do, sitting next to me. Aren't they ashamed of themselves ? They are merely disgusting, clothed in plain t-shirts and wearing flip-flops out to the street ! This is Paris, the city of fashion. Nobody is allowed to wear flip-flops out to the street! The only time you are allowed to wear flip-flops is when you are dumping your garbages out ! OK ?!

Oh, hummmm, that curry plate looks sooooo good. Hummm, yumm.

Why Facial Expressions ?

真。貼近事實的東西就是真。真就是美。臉上表情是很珍貴的。珍貴，因為我失去了我的表情。並不是我失去了我的五官或者我的臉，而是為了生存，我選擇了把我的感受從臉上隱藏起來。在我二十歲以前，我是一個非常不喜歡自己的女孩子。我認為別人沒有注意到我，就代表我一無事處沒有任何價值。我總是感到自己的存在就好樣是空氣裡的小蟲一樣，渺小孤單令人厭煩。在我二十歲到三十歲的歲月裡，除了非常渴望能夠融入在人群裡，有幾件事我也想做到：找到一計之長，學習在社會上生存，得到愛。長期已來一直都把脖子伸得長長的往外看的我，這時看得更用力更用心。我用心用力看別人的外在行為（因為不擅於溝通的我，只能看到這些），用我的整個身體像 VCD 一樣錄下來，然後模仿。無知無助的我，以為只要可以做出這些外在行為，我就可以得到快樂得到幸福。在這個過程裡，無形中我自己真正真實的感受都被我忽略了。而在我臉上呈獻出來的表情是我所用心用力模仿來的。

寫到這裡，覺得過去的自己是荒謬的也是天真可愛的。我有些心疼那個無知無助、把自己看成是空氣裡的小蟲的女孩。好傻喔。

在還未是自由創作者之前，我幸運地參與了一所體制外國高中，我在那裡教授英文及平面設計。（它的地點在苗栗山上）。在大自然的滋潤之下、與人密切的互動中，我認知到我過去的外在行為是荒謬的，是不貼切我真正真實感受的，是虛偽的。我認知到如果我希望與人群靠近，我必須呈獻出我真實的感受。我必須學習接納自己。我開始學習往裡面看，我開始學習傾聽我內心的聲音。這是一個漫長、困難又高挑戰性的功課。我很高興我認知到這個功課的重要性，也很高興我開始了這個功課。只是時常我得提醒自己要有耐心，三十多年的習慣不可能一天就改掉。至於我臉上的表情，我察覺到許多表情與我個人沒有連結。它們是許多電影片中男女主角的重合體。我臉上的表情，只有在和自己貼近時，還有擁有勇氣呈獻出來時，才會出現。必竟十年的隱藏讓它們迷失了路。

這就是為什麼我喜歡觀看巴黎人，素描巴黎人。巴黎人的表情很美，他們有著「這就是我」的意念。就算一眼被看穿，也無所謂。因為每個人有自己的解讀。最重要的是活出自己，喜歡自己！這是巴黎人給我的感覺：自信，大方，勇敢地呈獻自己的現狀。不管是美是醜，還是超不爽，巴黎人都很大方的表現出來。素描巴黎人的過程中，我得到許多力量。我由心中感謝那些被我偷畫的巴黎人。

我有一個希望，那就是有朝一日，我也能樣巴黎人一樣，刺裸裸地呈獻出自己的現狀，不管是美是醜。只要我能接納自己，對我而言就是美。

思念誰？

服務生班諾 Benoix

可愛的 waiter 眼中有莫名的 melancholy. 想念著 lover ? 12PM時，他叫我付錢了。我們說了好久的雞同鴨講（他說法語我說英語）和比手畫腳，我才了他的意思。 這個服務區他已結束了。

Just could sense it, from his eyes that he is thinking of someone while he is serving evians and croissants. His heart is elsewhere, lingering in his lover's luxious lips, or some sensual comments his lover had made this morning near the bedside. Ummhmmhmmmmmm. Yet you couldn't bring it up to hate him or call him unprofessional. I mean, he has done exactly eveything you had asked you to do. And, plus that his looks are simply so peaceful and harmless. No one in their right mind would complain about him. If there is anyone who needs comforting, it's Benoix, the waiter. Ha ha.

乏味人生

非常閒布菲先生
Very Lonesome Bauvet

35歲左右，說起話來很有朝氣，挺有善的，自說是不須工作啦，所以挺孤單地。超愛 castle castle 地說個不停，" I do like politics, writing, art。" 這個人吃吃吃 ...... 吃吃吃 ...... 好似 lonely 但又裝著很有精神。我其實覺得他挺討人厭的但是又有一點同情他啦，因為有時我也是如此啦。哈哈。沒有自信時，常常用一些外在的行為來掩飾自己的內在。例如一個人到餐館用餐時，有時候會覺得有些 lonely。這時，就常常會用翻閱雜誌來掩飾自己內在的不安，假裝一付自己忙得不了呢，活得充實得很呢！那有時間想著那件 lonesome 的事呢 ？！但是又會偷偷地東張西望，看看有沒有人注意到自己的存在，或者是看穿自己愚蠢的行為。非常三八無聊又矛盾。（這位老兄真的沒事幹，整整坐在 Cafe 裡 3 個小時。約我去盧森堡公園裡的 castle 3 次。被我拒絕 3 次。他的長像實在太不吸引我了，要不然，我並不是這麼會拒絕人的。）

其實啊，那天我離開 Luxemburg Cafe 時，我一直擔心這位無所事事的 Mr. Bauvet 會不會無聊到跟蹤我呢？嘿嘿嘿.......嚇死我哩！一路上我都無時無刻地回頭四處張望恐懼會不幸地看到 Mr. Bauvet 的身影。嚇死我自己啦！真是的！叫我想像力瘋子第一名啦！當然啦！人家 Mr. Bauvet 才不會無聊到 follow me 呢！也說不一定他有試過但中途放棄了。嘿嘿……因為我要去的地方ㄟ要轉三次車啦。所以如果 Mr. Bauvet 有無聊到 follow me ，那他一定是瘋了不然就是太饑渴了。其實我們在談話時我有感覺到本小姐不是他的 type 啦。雖然我的姿色也不錯喔。 （不好意思呵， Mr. Bauvet ，不是有意要懷疑你啦。是我已待在台灣四年了已經完完全全忘記啥麼叫做 harmless flirting 了 ）

令人發笑 3

挖破鼻孔仔
Nose Picker

居然走在 St. Michael 街上 pick his nose ! 看起來白白淨淨的年輕男子。

令人發笑

大奶說大哥大
Big Tits on the Cell

哎約！！怎麽這樣說人家？好宰人家也是個熟女。算了！咱們大人有大量。讓讀者在苦悶的日子裡笑一笑，怎沒啥大不了的。

生存者

不好惹 The Bitch

叼著 cigarette 的 Spanish woman。眼睛很亮，有心機。她銳厲的單眼皮給我有心機的感覺，其實也不一定是什麼陰謀之類的，只是一種 survival need。她很實在地盤算著........例如還有多少債要還、還要做多少事才能休息、還要和幾個 ASSHOLE 合作。這一切都是為了生活。（寫到這裡就覺得累，生活真是不容易啊。）但是她決定要繼續努力走下去，並不是要 give up. 而是一種 I will do it. I will reach my dreams. I may behave like a bitch, but i am trying my best to survive. 這種精神令我欣賞與敬佩。因為她很有勇氣地坦誠她的需求、她的感受、她的痛苦。我很感動。或許也是因為這是這幾年來我給自己的功課。對我來說很有挑戰。（for me, I am work in progress la. )

令人發笑 2

頑皮服務生八思可
Naughty Waiter Pascal

What ? What do you want ? Do we have that ? Of course ! You can ask for anything. Luxemburg Cafe has everything to eat! No dumb questions please ! I am actually quite busy !
一開始會注意到 Pascal 是因為他那雙專注的眼神實在是挺迷人了！所以就不自經地注意著他。他的雙眼又黑又圓又亮，很可愛的。不過啊，他那雙專注的眼神，其實是有些嚇到人的。我想，因為太專注了。客人也許只是想要一杯水，而他那眼神卻彷彿像是一個作家在深夜裡在他的書房裡，正構想著如何寫下一個句子時，突然間被一隻蚊子嗡嗡嗡嗡地吵著，吵著吵著他就全生毛起來了，眼睛睜得好大好專心就是恨不得能馬上打死這隻該死的蚊子才能再次得到安寧！這樣子描述一個服務生，大概會令人不想去這家咖啡廳吧。呵呵呵。

Pascal 其實很皮很可愛的。他一邊清著桌子上的東西，一邊哼著歌，還一邊做鬼臉，樂得很呐！他的眼神及動作讓我感覺他很機靈很有活力，或許他是位自由寫作者吧。反正啊，有件事我是肯定的，那就是他活得挺開心的！很高興！可以看到這樣的人物。想著他的樣子，身子裡的活力似乎也動了起來。感覺真好。

活得好！

溫馨地微笑
Motherly Smile

今天有人結婚，路上車子吧吧叫。喜事真叫人高興！Actually this sketch reminds of my mother. She once had a smile like this. We had a family party once, and after all the guests had arrived and were all settled in, eating away, I saw my mother across the living room, and she had this serene kind of look on her, like she’s pleased. She’s pleased with what she had done today, everyone seemed alright with themselves and are chatting away. She’s pleased she’s a decent host.

某行業？

義大利老頭耍酷
Italian Papa playing it cool

窗外的這位路人，穿著味道與態度呢，和我認識的一位老頭挺相似的。他的德性就是自戀加上無可藥救的騷包。我認識的那位老頭啊，也是位光頭主意者，而且他還當過校長呢！嘿嘿說怪不怪就是奇怪！

Nobody is home

Nobody is home

Ring, ring ring ring, doooo dooooo doooooo.........................Look at me , wearing this piece of crap suit, only EU $39.50, standing out here on a Friday evening at 5:30 pm, trying to reach my family, get some warmth to fill this cold cold winter exhausting working day. Doooooo doooooo doooooooo..........................................I worked and worked all day long to pay off the goddame bills, electricity bill, gas bill, water bill, heat bill, credit cards bill, cell-phone bill, insurance.........Doooooo doooooo doooooooo..........................................Nobody is ever home when I call them. When I need just someone to say hello to, nobody is ever home ! What kind of life is this ? Just look at me in this cheap suit and feeling so helplessly alone. Who is going to give me some warmth ? All I need is a hug and maybe some beers and hot bath, someone to listen to me pitching about my day or not bitch about my day, maybe they could tell me some jokes, something to make me laugh to help me forget about this horrible day.